How To Tell Your Friends You Are Getting A Divorce
The hardest part of getting a divorce is moving on with life without someone you once loved very much, and breaking the hearts of your children, if you have any. Divorce is never easy on anyone, even the person who decided it was time to call it quits. Whether you realize it or not, the news that you are getting a divorce can have a profound affect on your friends as well as your family. It is not your job to take care of your friends, but if you want to keep them in your life, you should be sure to talk to them about it. People lose friends in divorces all the time, even the best of friends.
Your friends may already know you and your spouse are having problems, but the news that you are getting a divorce is probably still going to be a shock to them. If they have known you for a long time, and always as part of this particular couple, they are going to be strangely effected in ways that don't make a lot of sense to you. Your loss is their loss too. If you spent a lot of time together as couples, that is obviously going to change. For some people, this is really hard, as they have grown to love you both together, and they don't know what to do otherwise.
The thing that you may not realize is that friends feel torn when someone they know is getting a divorce. They may love both of you, but in the end they feel they are going to have to choose who they want to remain friends with the most. If you truly want them to stay friends with you and your spouse, try not to drag all of your dirty laundry out in front of them. This will make them so uncomfortable that they won't want to be around either of you. It is always good to have someone to talk to, but choose someone that was your friend more than a friend of both of you.
Some couples having a difficult breakup fall into the trap of trying to win the friends. This means they take every opportunity to trash the other in front of the friends. No matter how close you think you are to someone, you are going to make them uncomfortable. Couples often do more than hang out, which means they are involved in the same activities and clubs. Everyone ends up feeling uncomfortable when those getting a divorce drag them into it and they end up wanting out completely if things go to far.
There is another side effect of getting a divorce that you may not consider. When you get divorces, those around you start questioning their own relationships. It happens quite naturally. Some couples get closer and some end up divorcing right along with you. If your friends start doing this, remind them that you are getting a divorce for your own reasons, and that though they may suddenly see problems they have ignored in their own relationships, it does not mean they have to call it quits. Instead, encourage them to take this time to rebuild and fix theirs so they are happier in the long run.